A sensitive consideration of a challenging topic, as always, Hazlit. I think there is opportunity for abuse with any relationship with distinct power imbalances and lack of respect and emotional maturity, and this potential exists regardless of whether it is a state-sanctioned marriage, sugar relationship, or really any other arrangement under the sun, romantic, sexual, or otherwise. When I find myself using the words "should" and "shame" I always take pause and assess how much of this is culturally subjective morality vs a product of my own experience and behaviors. It doesn't make for easy living, or easy dating, but when you find a gem of a partner--platonic, kink, romantic, or otherwise--it can be simply magical. And thanks again for your recommendation on The Purchase of Intimacy; so interesting!