Hi Max! While I encourage you for engaging on this difficult topic (and clapped for this piece), I'm going to challenge you here as kindly as I can. You are rightly calling for personal and individual responsibility, and I’ll take you at your word that you yourself are not one of the many men who do engage directly in problematic behaviors towards the women around you. However, to me your tone comes off as dismissive (and I'm apparently not the only one).

You write “good men are supposed to shut up in meetings so women can talk”. Respectfully, no. Good men are supposed to be aware of the cultural context: the tendency of men to interrupt women, that women’s contributions in their areas of expertise are more often dismissed, and women are more likely to have others take credit for their ideas (see Women in the Workplace report 2021). You may then find yourself being less defensive and instead asking yourself what you can do as an advocate and ally.

In the interest of brevity I’ll refrain from offering a similar critique of “men must protect the delicate sensibilities of the fairer sex”, or this idea that feminists advocate sexual repression. I’ll simply suggest you follow the writings of more feminists. I suspect you will find, as I have, that on these two points, it just ain’t so.

Last, I'll note this: if women were indeed afforded the same rights and respect in their daily lives that you and I (most likely) are than yes, your vision of a meritocratic culture where we each could rely on each other to be responsible, respectful adults would make more sense. It’s a goal we can all work towards certainly. But we must start with understanding and empathy for the challenges of others, two things this article could use more of.

Thank you for considering my response.