It's a fascinating read, and also a bit terrifying. We all make less-than-ideal choices that we have to make peace with, but this just feels like I'm reading the inner thoughts of a participant of a truly Faustian bargain, cemented in place by children and financial dependency. My heart goes out to you. And I'm rooting for you to find freedom.

If that many digits are on the line I think you are safest to assume that the worst fears are probably true, and plan for contingencies with that in mind.

Best wishes!