This was phenomenal Marcel! So many great points, and written with sensible insight and a brave willingness to be vulnerable. Size anxiety has been a real part of my own journey as well, and likely that of most men who are willing to be honest (and I say that as someone a bit longer than average—if also a bit thinner than average). It is culturally toxic, and it is pernicious, and is often born out of ignorance and fear. You allude to one of the best cures: getting out there courageously and having sexual experiences of your own that counteract the myths. Find partners you trust, listen and learn from them, and become the better lover you want to be. At the end of the day this is a story of knowing and loving yourself.

I would add some food-for-thought for your penis-possessing readers from my own experiences. First, embrace the wonderful variety of activities other than intercourse and incorporate them into your sexual explorations. There is a plethora of good candid advice from columnists Elle Beau, Ena Dahl, and Emma Austin (and others!) on what does and does not make for good lovers from their experience, and very little, if any, to support the myth of the centrality of penis size. And second, be aware of the amazing toys available on the market to give a little extra something when that is something you and your partner enjoy. I don’t just mean large dildos either. I’m personally a huge fan of the high-quality silicone (and rather kinky) sheaths that Bad Dragon offers; the open end allows you to have all the feels while adding girth and feeling pretty natural while in use, and the strap hugs the huevos in a happy way. That said even my partners who adore that feeling of being fully stretched, filled, and fucked con un pisello enorme—and I’ve had relationships with a couple—seem to enjoy something gentler and less likely to induce soreness at least as much of the time. And to repeat what others have said better elsewhere: you may not be in bed with that object of your affection in the first place unless you do the work of being pleasant, knowledgeably confident about yourself, and attuned to their wants and needs to begin with. Thank you again for writing this!